How to Become the Best Mom You Can Be…
Three Things You Can Do Today (every mom needs to know)
Most moms spend so much time comparing, second-guessing, trying, failing (really, it should be called “learning”), wishing, and hoping. We stress over nutritious family mealtimes, carving out time for connecting over boardgames and nature hikes, passing on a love for reading, tucking love notes in lunchboxes, and tucking our little people into bed at night.
It’s easy to fall prey to guilt when we forget crazy hair day at school, serve cereal for dinner, or let our temper get the best of us. We doubt our efforts to teach them, protect them, prepare them for the future. We live somewhere between exhausted and terrified.
Mama, you’re doing All. The. Things.
But are “all the things” developing you into the best mom you can be? Or does it put you on the crazy-busy treadmill? Are you stuck between comparing and second-guessing?
MomFriend, we’re making parenting so much harder than it has to be.
Living by the world’s impossible standards and not knowing – let alone respecting – your own values sabotages your parenting. We look outside ourselves at other moms to figure out the kind of mom we are supposed to be. She’s not out there. She’s right here, inside you. You have what it takes. It’s really that simple. Maybe instead of “all the things”, it’s more about doing the “right” things. The streamlined, personalized, simplified right things for you. So you can be the best version of yourself. For you. And for your kids. Take the MomType Finder to find out your natural parenting style.
Raising kids is a big chapter of life. And it can be – should be – enjoyable.
We can all agree that motherhood is the most important job in the world. It can be the most enjoyable, too. Isn’t that what we all want (and need)? A happy, healthy family?
Like most every mom, you want to be a confident mom and give your kids the best and truest version of yourself. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom, they need you.
Every mom has a mothering style and that fits together with each of our kid’s personalities. Parenting doesn’t have to be a guessing game. Any way you are as a mom, you can create a strong and healthy parent-child relationship and happy memories.
Here are three ways you can be the kind of mom you were made to be. And when you are living into that, you are being the best mom you can be.
Love yourself first so you can love others better.
If you’ve ever flown on a plane, you’re familiar with what happens if the cabin loses pressure. The oxygen mask comes down and you are to put it on so you can breathe, live. But have you ever noticed that they tell you to put it on yourself first and then your child? I mean, think about it, aren’t we supposed to think of others first?
Don’t we put our kids first in everything? We feed them first, schedule their things before ours, rearrange our lives so they can have everything they need and most everything they want?
But what would happen if we ran out of oxygen and couldn’t put their mask on?
Just like the oxygen mask on a plane, we need to take care of ourselves first so we can take care of our kids. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish, it’s essential. You need to show up for yourself first then you can show up for your kiddos. It’s a form of self-love. And loving ourselves helps us love others better.
When is the last time you did something for yourself? Consider this permission to carve out time to refuel. Do you know what fills your tank? It may take a little planning and maybe getting a sitter, but your kids will thank you for it when you walk in the door refreshed and happy.
- Download an audiobook and find a quiet place to get lost in a good story.
- Get together with your mom friends and go out for a fun dinner.
- Sign up for a yoga class.
- Take a nap.
Lastly, self-care involves knowing yourself better. Take the MomType Finder and get to know your natural parenting style.
I understand, MomFriend!
Years ago, I used to stress myself out helping in the classroom, baking cookies, throwing birthday parties, leading the homeschool group, and more. The tone in our home was chaotic and I was one 4th grade class party away from a nervous breakdown.
And then I learned I was an Enneagram 3, also known as “The Achiever”, and discovered better ways to be the mom that only I could be. My husband and four daughters were thrilled when I let go of expectations that were unrealistic and not “me”. I learned to take care of myself and my family from the core of my personality.
Actively seek opportunities to enter your child’s world.
Ultimately, you want a good relationship with your kids. One of the single best ways to experience that is to genuinely seek to understand them and their interests, their friends, their thoughts, and perspectives.
If they are young, get down on the floor and play with them. Ask questions about what fascinates them. You can ask, “Why are you teaming Captain America with Hulk?” or, “Tell me some more about this playhouse you’re creating.”
Imagine what that can do for your child!
If they are older, engage in activities that can inspire them. If you have a budding marine biologist on your hands, visit an aquarium or nearby body of water. Take your basketball player to an NBA or college game. Enjoy a community theater musical production to expand your artistic child’s horizons.
A special opportunity affirms your child. It builds trust and respect and deepens your love.
I understand, MomFriend!
When our kids were younger, I went to great lengths to make sure they were dressed “just so” and their hair had a bow and they behaved perfectly out in public. I didn’t want other moms see me struggle. Keeping up with the Jones’ and constantly comparing myself with other moms was my familiar cycle.
When I learned that my personality type focused on appearances in order to get approval, I realized that the standards I was setting for my children and me as a mom were unrealistic. I learned that there is no other mom like me so how could I compare? The pressure was off, and I started enjoying myself and my children with a fresh sense of calm and joy.
Establish your family’s “what we live by code”.
What do you ultimately want for your family? It’s time to name what you want to see in the life of your family today – and in ten and twenty years. Stop winging it and start building from the foundation of your values.
Values create a sense of hope and comfort. They should be understood by each family member, brought into frequent conversation, and lived out on a regular basis. Values become your family ideals and daily standards.
When everyone understands the destination, there is more harmony, stability, and peace. When everyone understands the destination, you can live with a bit more clarity, trust and safety.
Values are the things that are important to your family. The things you all believe and agree that hold the family together. Gather your family around one night to talk about what’s important to your family.
To identify your values, start with just three questions such as:
- What is your favorite thing about our family?
- How do you want to be treated?
- In 20 years, what is one thing you want to remember about being in our family?
Family values will be different for every family. Your family might value love, respect and honesty. Another family might believe relationship, responsibility, and fun are most important. You can learn more about this by taking the MomType Finder.
Taking care of yourself, connecting with your child, and living by family values will never fail you. And these principles are completely personalized to what suits you and your personality. It doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, but you don’t need to fear failure.
Because you can’t fail at this job you were created for. You are the perfect mom for your kids!
I understand, MomFriend!
When I was raising my four daughters, I didn’t have family in the area to depend on. I hesitated to ask for help from others because I didn’t want to appear “needy” and believed I should always put others first. Not surprisingly, I felt exhausted and my life’s meter was on “E” for empty. I had nothing to give my kids let alone my husband.
Knowing that when my personality type is stressed, I try even harder… I learned that in order to give my family the best mom, I had to take time for “me” and refuel. My favorite way to do this is having “coffee” with a friend.
What’s your natural “mom personality”?
Everyone has a personality, and that influences how you parent.
Take the MomType Finder and:
- Learn more about your natural parenting style with the Enneagram.
- Identify ways to connect meaningfully with your child.
- Become more self-aware and confident as a mom.